Notes from a 8-bit legal aid lawyer

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Leonard Cohen's tear (or why I cannot write about music.)

I gave up writing about music when I realised that I couldn't write about music. It is a difficult task to interpret the vulnerability of another, and ultimately, with each review I wrote I was actually disclosing more about myself than the singer or the song.

Live music is especially difficult to cover because there are so many elements that contribute to a performance - the venue, the crowd, the alcohol, the music, and the musician.

I realised that I don't read music reviews. I couldn't tell you the last review I read because music is an experience. I can map out my life with the songs that I have played on repeat, with the YouTube playlists I've crafted and deleted, with the CDs I've hidden or given away. I have a library of over 5000 LPs, EPs and singles. All in digital format, backed up across various drives. Come the apocalypse and the digital meltdown, will I lose all this music? Probably. But the important songs, the albums that mean the world to me, those singers on the stage before me,I carry them with me always.

Two things I like to do at live shows when I am not watching the stage, I will watch the audience. Attempting to see the music through the faces of others. The lights reflecting off their faces, but the chords striking their hearts. Are they holding someone special, or just a pint? Smiles, or tears?

And, if I am not looking at faces, I am closing my eyes. I'm letting the music create something vivid, decorate my mindscape like a Goddess creating a world.

So I was and am unwilling to present this vulnerable side to the world. I cannot give an explanation for the works of the creative and I am not myself a creative. I am just a passenger, sitting in the corner of a room, drinking coffee and learning more about myself through the words of others than I am comfortable with.

The musical hangover that follows is enormous. And then, there's Leonard Cohen's tear.




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