My online name is Sapphire. I'm a programmer, scout, student and friend. 🐺I enjoy meditation, camping, programming, dreaming up new ideas/projects and experiencing this wonderful thing called life. 🐺I'm a currently recovering fapstronaut and 152 days. 🐺Finally, if you know who I am in really life, don't mention this blog. I do my best work when I don't know who's reading.



Today wasn’t the best of my days. I was able to do one hour of semi effective schoolwork and then that was really it. However, I had semi planned for that and had hoped that the reason that I was getting the buzzing in my head and inability to focus was lack of structure. However I was wrong, it’s not lack of structure as far as I know but just difficutly focusing while trying to do anything important. It’s so frustrating because I’m trying to develop SNAT, use the break week to get caught up and review the new material and begin studying for my final. I’m really trying but it’s just not working. The most frustrating thing is that I feel so helpless, I want to get stuff accomplished and it’s stuff that would usually only take an hour and a bit to do but I’m not able to accomplish any of it.

Here’s my plan of attack for tomorrow incase I disolve into tears before I can finish the journal entry:

I’m going to spend half an hour planning the rest of my week, spend half an hour on each course since the course that I don’t appear to have any problems focusing in is English. Hopefully do two half hour chunks in each course, well spaced apart, do a workout (1 hour) and do half an hour of SNAT development. This isn’t much of a day but if I can get the above tasks well I’ll be doing much better than I’m currently doing.

Today aside from that was a good day, I hung out with my friend Duncan in the morning and in the afternoon hung out with Jordan. Jordan is this extremely intelligent guy who’s having his own problems in university that has just like me nothing to do with slacking off but own similar handicaps. In a weird way it’s comforting to know it’s not just me who feels like I suck at university. At his house we did VR which was incredible we played a game with lightsabers and music where you have to slice the cubes coming at you in a certain direction, Minecraft and a demo game where you tried to use a Bow and arrow to hit “barbarians”. It was really fun and I was seriously considering getting a VR headset but considering that I can’t really focus and having a distraction with my current problems will actually aggravate the symptoms more.

Finally, for dinner we went to see Baba Lil. It wasn’t the best of my days but it’s all about attitude and adaption. I have a problem that I can’t seem to get over, how do I make the best with what I’ve got? How do I navigate it? I’m not helpless I can work around it and keep adapting until things get better in early Janurary.

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