Eulalie

@Eulalie

A seventeen year old girl writing too much

Guestbook

High School Recap

I have one semester left. Looking back on my high school experience, I wouldn't have done anything different. I have loved loved loved everything about these four years, each one was better than the last.

It started in September 2015 - grade 9. I was nervous and exited. I chose to go to a completely different high school than all my friends because it had a self-paced, independent study program. Not sure why I chose to jump head first into a strange school where I didn't know anyone when there was a closer school with all my friends and peers attending, but I am so glad I did. I love the program. There is no due dates, test dates or any deadlines. You get to choose when to hand your shit in and write your tests. We also have better facilities and more high tech resources, and just a bunch of perks and quirks in general. Meanwhile my friend's school is miles behind in my opinion. They still use textbooks and hand in HANDWRITTEN assignments! If you tried to hand in some piece of paper with pencil at my school, the teacher might laugh at you. Everything is online, it's beautiful and I cherish it.
Anyway, in grade 9 I met lots of people, and guess what? I don't talk to anyone of them now. I was emo and into cringey shit, so I met a lot of other cringey little freshman. We sat in big loud groups in the cafeteria and we were really annoying. I believed there were more than 2 genders, and thought potato jokes were funny. I painted my room lime green and hung a "Love is Love" poster up even though I wasn't gay, I just though it was cool. I hardly even remember doing school work back then, it was all about hanging out and figuring out who we were. There were many immature good times. My friends and I would just wander aimlessly around neighbourhoods and malls, getting rides from our parents everywhere. I didn't care much about school, I hated gym class and science. I wore lots of dark makeup and spiky bracelets. My best friends were still the ones who went to the other school, though. They were Laurie, Crystal and Adrian.

Then, September 2016, 10th grade. 10th grade was a weird time, the giant group of cringey friends had lost a few members, then some more. By the end of grade 10 I had drifted away from pretty much all of them and many of them left our school for different reasons. I met an amazing teacher, who also left to teach at another school at the end of year. I'd say grade 10 was the most boring year. I don't remember much of it. At school I was really quiet and had a few panic attacks. I was diagnosed with anxiety. Of course I continued see Laurie, Crystal and Adrian pretty much 4 times a week outside of school and we made the best teenage memories ever. We started dabbling into our parents alcohol, just playing truth or dare and other dumb stuff. We though we were grownup and much more mature than grade 9's, but we weren't really. I began to learn to question things and figure out my own beliefs.

2017 I went into 11th grade. This year was tumultuous and felt like it went on forever. I grew so much that year and learned a lot about myself, my relationships and my plans for the future. Who I was in September was completely different than the person I became come June. I struggled with what I wanted to do with my life, and university became a monster looming over my head. I went through many phases and kept switching courses, dropping some and carrying over others. I did not talk to ANYONE at my school, I was a total lone wolf. But I liked that, and it helped me to overcome the debilitating anxiety that had taken over my life in 10th grade. All my friends went the other school and I saw them frequently. I started to drive, I got a car and my friends and I experienced a whole new kind of freedom. We begin to drink and party, and Adrian and I's relationship became sexual. Me and everyone around me seemed to be maturing at the speed of light. I raised a puppy and went to Las Vegas. My friends starting smoking weed, I found out I hated weed and it gave me panic attacks. By the end of grade 11 I suddenly decided I wanted to pursue science and medicine, and in the summer between grade 11 and 12 I finally found my focus and motivation to pursue my education: medical school.

Grade 12 began in 2018. Now with a full course load of science and math, I work 99% of the time. I drive everywhere, to school, to get groceries, to hang out with friends, etc. I get annoyed by loud groups of cringey grade 9's (who used to be me!). I come to school to work and learn, I have no friends at school and only ever talk to teachers (but I love it this way). I am a self directed student, focusing on my studies, university and future career. I am still quiet but I feel I have defeat my anxiety. I see my friend's way less, but we try to schedule time to do fun activities as often as our busy schedules permit. Adrian became my boyfriend. I love having sex and I love getting drunk with good company. I experienced taking a plan B pill and two pregnancy tests, and I almost threw up from drinking too much (figured out my alcohol threshold). My best friend is myself. I am inspired by my teachers, and excited for university. I found my true passion in biology, chemistry and math. I feel like I can taste adulthood, and know that this is just the appetizer. I am so so stressed and busy, but I love every second of it because I am living my dream and I see the rewards in every mark that I get. I am going to New York City for this year's vacation and very excited because I think I may want to live there one day. My friends and I do scheduled things like go out for dinner, go to dog parks with our dogs, celebrate holidays, attend events or just host parties. We don't have that aimless spontaneity of grade 9 and 10, we are too busy now.

So here we are, at the end. Now I am going to University September 2019 for a Bachelor of Forensic Science, three whole hours away from home. My friend Crystal is going to a two year college program for photography and film, and Adrian and Laurie are taking an extra year of high school. We started in the same place and ended up in very different ones. I feel nostalgic, like I want to do it all over again. I wish I was that little, cringey emo freshman with all the opportunity in the world and not enough maturity to see it. But soon enough I will be a freshman in Uni. Life moves so fast.


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